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Start a love train ~

Yeah.. finally. I write an entry!!!11oneoneeleven .,.

Sorry, that I've been so lazy lately, but weeeell.. nothing much to talk about, u know? Everything as always.

I had a fucking crappy new year. My dad was drunken all the way. YAY! Even at my mom's birthday he was drunken as ever. He even gave her her present, when he drunk too much.. I mean, lol? We wanted to have some dinner on her birthday, like chinese food, and so. Well.. we climbed into our car, he was like crying and said "Daniel said to me, that he will commit suicide.. *cries*".. Why does he say that all of a sudden? Doesn't he know, that my mum is still fucking hurt because my brother comitted suicide? And then he goes like this and talks shit on HER BIRTHDAY? -__- And it's like he want to have pity of everyone, that he is so sick, and that he got so many problems. Well, yeah.. he got problems.. o_O His Alcohol is his problem LOL. -_- He won't get pity from me. Never. He can crawl into a corner and cry all he wants, seriously. 

Well.. as I mentioned earlier in the last entry, my family went to UK at christmas, but I stayed home. :x As you can imagine, my parents weren't that pleased with my decision, but you know what? I fucking enjoyed the time all alone at home. Even if it was christmas, the family thing and such, but I didn't regret my decision to be honest.

With chaos everything is as ever.. I had a breakdown not so long ago (about 2 weeks?) and he finally said smth about that "make a decision thing"... He won't break up with Alice, and I knew it all the way,.. but I said it's "okay" with me, I just want to stay by his side, have fun with him, want to know everything about him and I begged, that he comes to me, when he got problems or smth.. even if it's about Alice.

 As you can imagine, it's not THAT easy for me, you know? I often cry, and i'm very hurt inside.. but still, I love him. <_< I know, it's the wrong decision to stay by his side, letting him do, what he wants, I would be better off to find a new guy, who knows what I am and so on, but still.. I love him, that's all. And unfortunetaly, nothign can change that at the moment.

I met a guy in RO, in pvp, Fear. He is very kind and we talked alot, even though we only know us for 4-5 days now. I like him alot.. q.q He is a good friend. And you know what? chaos was fucking jealous last night, because he heard me typing (yeah, we are like all day long in skype and so.. <3 xD) and he went like "wtf does Fear want again? .,."

I know it's bitchy, and please don't think that I use Fear for making chaos jealous, he is really a good friend already, but when chaos was jealous like this, I had to smile and thought "omg, how cute.. >_<;"

Well.. as you can see, nothing new happened the last days.

School is probably starting next week for me, and I'm really looking forward to it. c.c

AND! I found my new-old obsession again. Photoshop. <3

In Ragnarok Online I just stand around with my Alchemist and let my Homunculus do all the job.. xD Nearly lvl 70. Go for Elven Ears! q.q

So.. that should do it for first.

See you next time. <3

Listening to : Yuki Kajiura - Chase

(I fucking made my comp new yesterday, and I got like only 6 songs on it.. HELL GIEV MUSIC! Q_Q) 

11.1.07 16:47
 


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