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I let myself fall in love with you.. ~

I let myself fall
I let myself fall
I let myself fall
In love with you

There's no turning back
There's no turning back
There's no turning back
Since I let myself fall in love with you

Now I picture things
Now I picture things
Wedding gowns and wedding rings
Since I let myself fall in love with you
That song is so beautiful.. >_< I love it. (Rosie Thomas - Let myself fall, btw xd)
Hm.. many things happened the last weeks.
School is going very very fine atm. I understand everything very well and even do math by myself and the most surprising fun is, that it's so much fun to do math.. o_o; Unbelievable! xD
Well, still I got such panicattacks when I see old classmates on the street and it sucks.. -_- But Andrea said, it's still normal.. I should make small steps, one by one, and one day it'll be the day, when I don't have to change the pavement sides, when I see old classmates. I'm sure of it.
It's so nice and relaxing to do all the work with Andrea, really. She is taking so much pressure from me, and we talk about a shitload of stuff. I can't understand, why I still have to go to my psychological doctor thing (called Frau Lewandowski btw.. q.q), dunno what the english word is, sorry, and I'm way too lazy to look it down now.. xD
When Andrea is by my side I can smile smoothly without biting me lips right after, because she gives me the feeling, that I'm "allowed" to be happy, even if this "way of going to school" is strange and doesn't satisfy my parents. x_x
Andrea is really making me happy.
But the person who makes me the happiest is... guess. Right, it's Hendrik. q.q; It's going so well between us atm.. I love him so much, hell I do! >_<
He is telling me, that he loves me every evening (oh well.. at least every second! c.c) and I tell him back, that I love him.
I can't sleep, because I have to think of him and I even lost much weight (yeah yeah.. it's wrong under these circumstances, but still it's kind of a "proof", that I love him, right?)
2 days ago I was rolling around in my bed for like 6h and couldn't get a wink of sleep, 'cause I thought so much about him.., so I wrote a letter. x_x I even sent it to him! I thought I would never do it again, but I did.
And you know what? He is sleeping over at his best friend over the weekend (AGAIN! -_-) and he kind of noticed, that I'm really pissed about it. (Yeah.. I know, it's not right to be pissed 'cause of THIS, but still I am.. I miss him like hell, when he is just 30 mins away. <.<; )
He asked me, if I want to call at his friends.. he will give me his number.. O_O HOW CUTE CAN THAT POSSIBLY BE? >_< bah.. <3
And I really really love his voice and his laughter. c.c
(yeah.. right, I annoy you.. sorry.. xD As you see nothing much happened in this case, just that I just fell more in love with him.)
And it seems like he isn't really often talking to Selen atm.. It makes me secure. <.< Still I often check on her RO names and such, in which Guild she is, what she is doing.
But still the worst part is, that I don't really trust him, when he says he is doing smth in RO with a good friend, Shirona and he is like afk for 3-4h.. I always think, he is going to do smth with Selen. >_> I should change that, and I really really try not to be that distrustful. x.x
But you know what? The beeeest part in this weekend was... I SCAMMED THE HELL OUT OF LIVIN LOL!
He lvled the wiz of Clay, remember? Well, Clay gave me his pw once again and I changed the email adress and the pw and no one, except me, had the acc, and rofl.. Livin had equip on it for like... 100m? xD I'M A RICH ASS. And I don't feel even a bit pity for him, no. I don't. 'Cause Livin is such an asshole. .,.
Yosh flamed me, that I'm just a scamming whore and he was shocked, how many things I put on the line "just" for such items in a game and such.. So he means, I put the friendship between me and him on the line? Should I laugh? We don't talk to each other for like 3-4 month now. ;/ (Yeah, I know I am bitchy, and in that case i'm fucking proud of it, you know? :x)
Enough blahblah, I guess. q.q Wish me good luck, that Hendrik will skype with me today night.
And there he goes.. He is back from sharing with shio. Time for me to go! d:
See ya laterZ, peopleZ. <3
Listening to: Rosie Thomas - Let myself fall
Ivy - Edge of the ocean
25.1.07 22:44
 


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