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Midday Snow

So... once again i didn't write for a really really long time... Sorry, 'bout that. ^^;

Well, tbh, it didn't happen much.. or hm, if i think about it, something DID happen, many good and many bad things.. but hm.. eh.. w/e. xD

I have the "permission from the state" that i can have some school material at home and study at home and do some "exams" somewhere else sometimes.. it rocks! xD I have to take it until next year at summer, 'cause then i don't have to go to school anymore.. "school duty" or smth.

So... I issued an ultimatum for chaos.. this wednesday he has to make a decision.. if he can't i will "go". And if he will decide for Alice i will "go" as well.. i don't want to have contact with him when he decides against me, 'cause it's so painful to just "hang" on.. it's not a matter about "the will", it's more like "i can't do it anymore..". My body is breaking, and my mind as well.. so.

Btw! I skyped with him 2 days ago.. it was so... lovely. q.q I couldn't sleep because i was so excited and played his voice over and over again in my head. I'm addicted.. i know. -_-

And well.. i had a fight with someone again. Like always.. I don't have the energy for all that ups and downs again, and always i am guilty. Kiss my ass? ;d It's enough that my family is always blaming me and that i have the feeling that i'm unloved 'cause of the things I'M DOING. -_- The anxiety is growing bigger and bigger to be with people I love.. like friends or family, 'cause i feel so fucking bad about that school thing. <_< Well. w/e.

So that's all for today folks. I hope u learned smth new.. and remember,.. fuck a shy laplander! <3 

Listening to: Maaya Sakamoto - Midday Snow 

2.12.06 20:10

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